Day 19 Act in love September 3, 2019 13:46
I’m becoming mindful of how much time I fritter away focussed on feeling bad about stuff. And the energy I squander pondering such negative yet temporary, fixable conditions.
These common things I actively obsess over listed here: an untidy home, disorganized closet, weeds in the garden, the lack of time I have to prepare meals for the week, the never-ending mound of laundry, my disheveled office, and the list could go on for another 30 minutes. But I'll spare you.
It started this morning with the awful incident of clipping Murph's nail too short which snowballed into a horrible, self sabotaging guilt for not calling the groomer sooner.
"Just feel bad and get over it already.", I thought to myself. "Murph isn't holding a grudge!"
Fast forward about 6 hours that led to yet another thing to feel bad about.
I had hoped for an authentic and grace filled heart to heart with somebody I care for deeply. I was prayerful that it would be received with love and grace but a minute or so into it I began to realize there was no chance the outcome would be what I had hoped. I had an arduous time expressing myself without feeling awful. It seemed impossible to spit the words out of my defeated heart. I hardly remember the words spoken. I shut down- like somebody pulled the plug out of the socket, cutting off the power source.
Many times, especially challenging ones, I have a difficult time expressing the pains of my heart and I end up with a sick sense I've been misunderstood and overall bad feeling. It's like there's a force inside of me just waiting to latch on to the negative energy at hand, a bad fire that undoubtably affects the beautifully orchestrated rhythm of my heartbeat. It's frustrating, discouraging and disheartening.
...So the following morning on day 19 of my healing mile I told God all about it. I cried Him a river. The Mississippi.
And the Spirit kindly and quickly responded,
"Dana, the best way to express your heart is not by the words that you say. I agree that the things we say are extremely beneficial and quite effective at certain times. My truth says, 'Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth does speak'. But when your actions reflect your heart, which I see, people will see with their own eyes and know your heart without you having to say a word.
"But what if they don't see my heart through my actions?" I ask him.
"If they don’t see it then they don’t really know you or perhaps don't want to know you. I see you and I know you. That concern that gets stuck in the core of your beautiful heart, the heart that I created. That is not your concern. Let it be mine."
With great humility and gratitude I respond with a deep breath of release and huge sigh of relief.
"Yes God. Yesssss." I respond with confidence.
The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good and the evil person out of the evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45