Day 25 My Best September 22, 2019 11:17
I started out this morning, overwhelmed with a feeling in my gut that I may need a rest day from the healing mile. Not sure if this means an off day from the walking or from the writing but I have a hunch it may be both. But for confirmation, I talk it out with God.
Murph and I begin every walk, usually early in the morning with the daily ritual of inviting God to join us, as if he needs an invitation.
"Good Morning God." I say as Murph just looks up at me.
Some days I walk without thinking or saying much so I can be receptive to the things He wants to say to me. And then there are the other days, most days, that I have questions and concerns, lots of them, and the hopeful intent to extract them from my inners before they morph into full blown anxieties. Today was that day.
"I'm having a hard time keeping up with my blogging." I said without beating around the bush. I continued to explain, as if the God of the Universe needs clarification of my heart.
I cried out.
"God! When I began the healing mile, I wrote with such a sense of urgency and intensity to get my blogs done every day but I am struggling lately to post with the consistency I had when I started! I'm struggling keep up! There's so much to say! I can't seem to find the time to post them every day! Is this disappointing you? Because it's disappointing me." Sigh.
In addition to an unanticipated awareness I suddenly had of my reliance on Him to help me with my daily shortcomings and insecurities, I also experienced a grand sense of gratification that my intentional calling out to him was becoming a familiar, healthy habit. And I instantly understood the vital importance that spilling my struggles, in spite of how small or insignificant they may seem, allows those nasty, little, potentially damaging emotions to exit my body and not manifest themselves inside of me- namely my heart.
Up to this point it has been difficult, close to impossible actually, for me to seek or ask for help. Especially for those things that could potentially expose my inadequacies. Looks like this new lifestyle along with some humble admissions may be changing me from the inside out.
Then I heard Him.
"Dana, the original purpose of this mission was to heal that broken heart of yours through a new understanding of me and renewed trust in Me. I know you perfectly because I created you-psalm 139:13. I see your heart and I know it's desires-psalm 37:4. I watch what you do everyday and I'm well aware of your limitations-genesis 28:15. I am committed to helping you- isaiah 41:13. Let me encourage you by reminding you to continue to revisit the original purpose of the healing mile. Stay true to it's grace filled requirements the best you can- not perfectly, just the best you can. I am pleased with you my daughter. You have been consistent and committed. And that delights me and encourages others. As you have been doing, walk everyday, make mental and palpable notes about what I'm showing you and post as consistently as you can. Do your best. Okay?"
"Yes! Okay!" I responded
Eager to reread Day 1, I was reminded of the healing mile's purpose- the Mission. I took a deep breath and reminisced about what has transpired in the past couple of months. I remembered that I was called to embark on this anointed undertaking of commitment, consistency, vulnerability and complete honesty. The 365 day assignment entailed a daily walk with my sweet Murph, that would prove to be of great, healing benefit to my heart, full of creative opportunities, and beautiful visuals. And all of these elements would be paired with the persistent writings of what I had experienced in hopes of encouraging those who read it.
I have to say after all this pondering I am truly convinced that the physical act of walking the healing mile is of equal importance to the writing part. The experience is twofold. One cannot survive without the companionship and support of the other. The frustration is that it takes the words a little longer to catch up to their counterpart, the walk.
So I will take the daunting pressure off myself. I'll continue to put the leash on my precious companion and unleash myself from the matters in question, allow the Holy Spirit to guide me by listening to what He tells me, write it all down and post when it's ready. But most importantly, I will continue to do my best.
Simple as that.