Day 32 Trustworthy October 31, 2019 13:38

 

It never ceases to amaze me that I can trek down the exact same path every single day and still discover fresh perspective, new and beautiful subjects to photograph and then come home to write about. 

Although one of my nagging concerns regarding this 365 journey has been just that- 3 6 5- twelve months, fifty-two weeks, three hundred sixty five days- one entire year of committed daily walks and documentation.

This million dollar question runs through my mind often- what if I run out of things to discover and what if this healing mile becomes flat, uninspired and God goes quiet? For a million dollars-then what!?!

And then I sense a sizable God giggle in my Spirit and the familiar and reassuring voice of my faithful maker who always shows up at the perfect time.

 "Dana, my precious daughter!", I believe I hear Him chuckle.

"You limit me! You have a strong tendency to keep me very small and in a box that's even smaller, tiny in fact. I have SO much to show you and teach you! You've become quite susceptible to doubting my mighty presence and miraculous power, which puts you in dangerous alignment to the enemies attacks on your heart."

And I remember a verse from the Bible that says,

'When you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." 

And I think to myself...

As hard as it is to admit, I really have made the choice to carry this heavy duffle of doubt and it truly does slather me with the burden of a boatload of instability blown and tossed by the wind. We'll give it a name and call it Mr. Doubtduffle. Ugh.

"Why, why WHY do I continue to lug this cumbersome annoyance around with me?

Why do I?"

And even more importantly,

"How do I lay it down once and for all?" I beg for response to these questions.

And of course He answers me.

"Why? Because you've been taught to rely on yourself. The people you thought you could trust have failed you. And they're still failing you and they will continue to fail you, not because they want to or mean to but because that's what the broken human sinful spirit is prone to do.  

That's why you need Me. I will not fail you. I am not prone to anything other than a spirit of love."

This is the soul salve He continues to bathe me in. 

He continues,

"The how? When you sense doubt creeping in, keep asking, keep seeking, keep knocking and keep your eyes open to all of the things I will continue to teach you.

I am trustworthy. This healing mile mission was my idea. Remember?

Continue putting one foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

Depend on me. Count on me. Lean in to me. Learn from me. Trust me."

Aaaaah, yes God. You are faithful. I'm laying down Mr. Doubtduffle, the bag of bondage that's busting with the burden of doubt and I'm exchanging it for the newfound freedom that the healing mile will continue to show me the way every last mile for the next 333 days. At least I will do my very best.

As I pray those words I realize that this is a mandatory step to my heart healing. I'm also privy to the fact that this new behavior may not happen over night- dropping the duffle that is. But as any new habit, what I've recently read in this fascinating article about habits (click here to read) is that on average, it takes more than two months before a new behavior becomes automatic- 66 days to be exact, which means that by day 98 of the healing mile I should be healed. Wink. I think I like the sound of that.

  And suddenly a new favorite song I recently downloaded to my Apple Music 'faves' playlist- the lyrics go ringing in my ears.

I know it's all you've got to just be strong
And it's a fight just to keep it together
I know you think that you are too far gone
But hope is never lost
Hope is never lost
Hold on, don't let go
Hold on, don't let go
Just take one step closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You'll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You're gonna be ok
I know your heart is heavy from those nights
But just remember that you are a fighter
You never know just what tomorrow holds
And you're stronger than you know
You're stronger than you know
Hold on, don't let go
Hold on, don't let go
Just take one step closer
Put one foot in front of the other
You'll get through this
Just follow the light in the darkness
You're gonna be ok