Day 31 Surrendered October 26, 2019 09:39

 

Some mornings I see it, a crystal clear message laid out in an exemplary outline with picture perfect visuals to support it. Other days all is calm inside my noggin and I just enjoy what's in front of me. And then there are the those days that any anticipated hope filled message is drown out by the chatter in my head. Today was the latter.

Not sure if I'm down about something specific, if it's my infamous mid life hormonal imbalance or if I'm simply overwhelmed with the demands of  my beautiful life- the ones I put on myself- sigh.

Perhaps the answer is simple. Balance; the strategic act of finding it and grand challenge of maintaining it, which has always remained in persistant opposition in my life. One that I revisit often but just can't seem to level out. The tipping of the scales in one direction or another usually plays out in one or all of these scenarios: too much of this, not enough of that- said yes to this, now I don't have time for that- want to start this, but need to finish that! 

The dictionary defines balance as an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady. Yes.That's the part I'm searching for-the upright and steady. 

Maybe it's just time for a vacation, I think  to myself.

But instead of adding one more thing to my already neverending to do list and beating myself up, I sit on the end of the pier and stare out across the serene water that offers me authentic peace, with high hopes that this brain babble subsides and works itself out.

And I pray, the most essential endeavor of the day- spirit surrender. I ask God to help me prioritize. I ask Him to replace my frustrations with a newfound zeal to get it all done. I invite Him to show me what is most important.  And I trust Him to direct my life one day at a time. I also get real about what is expected of me and suddenly realize that if I'm doing my best, I'm doing enough.